What was I thinking?

The Boy Scouts here in the Livable Forest have a fundraising project every year about this time. A month or so ago, they started taking orders for mulch. I've been buying this stuff from them for a few years now. Sure, help out the scouts and all. It's like $5 per 3 cubic foot bag. They deliver it, and will put the bags wherever you want - all around the flower beds or stacked in your driveway or whatever. They don't spread it, however. So, a month or so ago, I ordered my 40 bags of mulch. Well, tomorrow is the day it comes. So, until sometime late tomorrow afternoon, after I have sliced open, dumped out and spread bag number 40, I'm gonna be wondering "What was I thinking when I ordered this stuff?" Maybe next year I'll remember this and just pay someone to do it. My boomer back is getting too old for this.

Diet Plan for Aging Boomers

OK, I have a tendency to be a bit of a porker. Mabye even more than a bit. I always thought the four food groups were salt, sugar, grease and caffeine. Large sausage pizza and a Coke - completely balanced meal - all four groups. And donuts? Don't get me started. Donuts are like their very own food group. Ever hear of the "Donut Diet?" It calls for eating a donut 15-20 minutes before lunch and dinner. The pre-meal hit of carbs is supposed to trigger the "full" response sooner in the meal, so you eat less. Well, if a donut 20 minutes before lunch is good, four donuts 20 minutes before lunch should be four times a good, right? See, that's why these kinds of diets fail. Also explains my being a bit of a porker.

It's pretty easy to pick up a few pounds here and there, and pretty soon you're up to an eighth of a ton. When it's a single digit fraction of a ton, it starts to sound like a lot. But take heart, there are tons (there's that word again) of people out there who will take your money and sell you some hope of losing weight. Some even say you can eat what you want and don't have to exercise. Seems to be one of two things going on with these. It's either a scam - the only thing getting lighter is your bank account - or it's some drugs doing some powerful and unnatural stuff to your metabolism, your digestive tract or your whole body in general.

Well, here's a clue. You don't have to pay Weight Watchers (watch it yourself) or Jenny or Atkins or South Beach or North Beach or any Some Beach plan. You can do this yourself. It's all a matter of balance. In terms of calories, if you eat more than you use, you store 'em up. If you use more than you eat, you use up some of what's stored. What's stored are those excess pounds. So, it's really a simple concept, and there is no magic bullet. Just cut way way down on the junk food - chips, fries, candy, etc. Eat a little healthier, and less overall. You know, more fresh fruits and vegetables, drink water instead of soft drinks. Or maybe a Coke Zero. That stuff was made for Boomers. Get a little more exercise - start taking brisk walks, slowly increasing your speed and distance. Shoot for something around a 17 minute mile pace. Walk outside if possible. Take the stairs at the office if only going a floor or two. You'll feel better for sure, and probably start dropping a few pounds. Me? Yeah, this is exactly what I've done, and I'm down about 30 since Thanksgiving. Kinda leveled off right now, but I'm confident I can get another 10 or so. Give it a try. It's free.

Travel Adventures with TSA

Although I'm a first quarter Boomer, I still have a regular job and travel a fair bit. My home airport is IAH (look it up if you don't know airport codes). A week ago Sunday, I had to go to Atlanta for a few days. Well, I'm one of the lucky ones who regularly gets massages from TSA when going through security at the airport. Lucky in that, without the orthopedic surgery available today, I'd have an arm and a leg that didn't work - had a hip replacement in '99 and a shoulder replacement in '04. All that titanium drives the metal detectors crazy.

Anyway, I always get hand wanded and then the massage, or pat down as the TSAers refer to it. So the TSA screener takes me over to the hand screening area - you've seen it. We have a little exchange that goes something like:

TSA: OK, before we start, I've got two quick questions.

Me: OK.

TSA: Do you have a pacemaker?

Me: No.

- - - Very long pause while I wait for the second question - - -

TSA: Stand there facing your things, feet apart, arms out, palms up.

By this time, I had pretty much concluded that the second question wasn't coming right away. Or, maybe he asked the two so quickly that I mistook it for just one.

TSA: (Wand beeping continuously as he waves it around my titanium shoulder) This the replacement shoulder?

Me: Yes.

Then, he starts on the legs. Checking around my right hip, with no beeps.

TSA: Is this the hip?

Me: No.

TSA: (Checking left hip) Is this it?

Me: (Thinking, look, I only have two, and it wasn't the other one, so whadaya think? Use the process of elimination here.) Yes.

We finally finished and, after putting on my shoes and belt, stowing my laptop, making sure I had my pen, reading glasses (another Boomer affliction), gum, change(usually don't travel with change for just this reason), phone and blackberry, I was on my way.

OK, so that was outbound on Sunday. However, I wasn't done with TSA fun quite yet. Wednesday afternoon, going through beautiful Atlanta Hartsfield airport (I really dislike that airport!) I finally get up to the security screening area. They have an extremely helpful display there to provide some good examples of what you can't carry onto an airplane these days. Who woulda thought? If I can now figure out how to add a photo, you can see this for yourself.

OK, that was pretty easy. Yup, that's a chainsaw. Blowtorches, gas can - can't carry any of this stuff aboard. So, on the way back to Houston (that's IAH) I flew completely at ease and assured of a high level of security, confident that I wasn't going to be attacked by a chainsaw wielding maniac.

Life is good.